The progression of time is such a difficult concept for me to wrap my mind around. I don’t know if that’s because it’s one of those things that we have absolutely no control over, or because it moves at such an alarming rate. This past Monday marked the beginning of the school year, and I watched as parents left their children in my classroom with tear filled eyes. My heart ached a bit for them as I put myself in their place. In just two short years, I’ll be standing in their shoes, leaving my own bright eyed five-year-old in an unfamiliar classroom. I watched this week as the same group of children entered my classroom a little more confident each morning. As that same group of parents dwindled down, and on Friday each and every student walked down the long hall to my classroom, solo.
It was if I had blinked and those first-dayers had suddenly mastered a full week in kindergarten. It was such a strange feeling to me, as I glanced around the classroom Friday afternoon. Time moved, it continued on without hesitation.
Despite the tears.
Despite the reservations.
And I don’t have a kindergartener, but I know the feeling of willing time to stand still. I’ve known it for what seems like such a long time. This forward progression is at times overwhelming to me. I don’t mind the growing up, I love watching her grow, but sometimes I think of what I may be forgetting.
I think of how quickly this time is passing and I wonder how I’ll ever manage to get it just right.
Sometimes I think about how fast the past three years have gone by, and I can’t help but think about the next three, and the three after those.
And those are the times I feel overwhelmed in these simple, fleeting moments. In those times, I’ve learned to pray, it’s what gives my heart a little peace. When I’m overwhelmed I whisper the words that pull my heart in a million different directions, in a prayer that only the one who understands my heart can understand. Each and every question is always met with the same answer.
How will I have time to teach her how to handle life with grace?
How will I make her understand the greatness of your love?
How will I ensure that she keeps a kind heart and this sweet spirit?
How will she know how to handle tough situations?
How will her precious heart stay humble and forgiving?
And when I finish, I take a deep breath and the ground doesn’t feel quite as shaky.
There are times it feels like there are a million different things pulling me in a million different directions, and I worry so much that the moments are going to pass me by while I’m busy. The truth is, life is busy, Life is busy and beautiful, because we are living, we are soaking up the moments and enjoying the days, even when they aren’t perfect, they are still ours.
And over and over in my head, I hear those words, show her.
When time seems to be stuck in fast forward.
When the days feel shorter, because they are busy.
When I’m not ready for another school year to begin.
Because I can’t change the fact that she’s growing up and time is continually marching forward at a rate that doesn’t always make me comfortable. But, I can try my best to ensure that she grows with grace and a heart full of love.
By showing her.