be careful little ears

It's funny how everything changes when you become a parent. It's like suddenly every single action and thought has a new dynamic added in, like every word you say should be thought about for a second longer before it falls on your lips. For us, curse words and such weren't an issue so I never really thought about revamping the things I say.

Then the other day I put Braylen's high chair tray on the desk in the kitchen and when I slid it back it knocked over the Scentsy warmer. The white wax poured all over the countertop. "Oh, crap!" Allen quickly said and then an echo, "ohhh trap, Mommy." Uh-oh. Certainly not a phrase I want my toddler repeating, but in an instant it had entered her vocabulary, without a second thought. Obviously, that's a phrase we hear or use on a near daily basis. And really? It probably won't send you to the principal's office in school. But I hung on to that little phrase. BK saying "ohhh trap," over and over, it replayed in my head. My thoughts? They weren't centered around that silly little phrase. This was about something much bigger.

In my head, I replayed the things I said in front of her. What words had I been using? Because in that instant I was made forever aware of just how closely those little ears were listening. You see, that little curly-headed girl of mine is certain of one thing, she loves her mommy and daddy. And those big blue eyes are always on us, even if someone else is holding her. Even if we're in a crowded place. When she's scared, when she's unsure, when she's about to do something she knows she isn't supposed to do, it is us she looks to.

I thought to myself about the words I say about myself. When she's right there in front of me, sitting in my lap as I put my makeup on in front of the big mirror in my bedroom. How many times have I pondered the lines on my forehead or the size of my nose. How many times when she sat in the bathroom did I complain about my hair? How many times when I was getting ready have I made a comment about losing weight or going on a diet or had a bad attitude because my clothes didn't fit. Or worse? When I compared myself to someone else. I wish I had her hair or that body. Don't mistake my point here, healthy living is absolutely key. Instead of obsessing about these things I should make changes in my life, I'd like her to see me always make healthy choices when I'm eating or remember that we went on walks together. I should let go of my insecurities right here and right now because if I don't they will become hers one day.


I thought about my attitude. How do I handle it when things aren't going my way? Am I teaching her that she controls her attitude or circumstances around her control her attitude? I thought about all of the times I misplaced something and instead of calmly looking for it I blamed it on someone else. Or when (heaven forbid) I didn't get what I wanted. Because let's be real, I lean a little to the spoiled side and that is certainly not the reflection I'd like for her to see. Instead I'd like show her that those petty things aren't even important in the grand scheme of life.

I thought about my love for Jesus. Does it show in everything I do? Am I portraying the things she learns in church or the words we sing? This one was a hard one as I thought about times I may have repeated gossip or said something mean. I would never want her to think it's okay to say or do mean things to others. But is that the example I set ALL of the time?

And I know she's still tiny and some of these things she doesn't quite understand. The point is that a change now is a preventative measure for later. The first step is awareness. I'm raising a little girl who will grow into a beautiful young woman. In the meantime it will be me who she looks to when she makes decisions and I don't want her to have any doubt about the right thing to do.  It'll take years and years of parenting by example because words won't do any good if I'm not living them.

Obviously the picture is unrelated, I just like it :)