When I decided to stay home, I had this picture in my mind. A picture of what our lives would like with me spending those 40+ hours at home, rather than in the classroom. I had high expectations for myself.
My house would be clean.
My laundry would never pile up.
Dinner would wholesome and homemade, ready by 6:00 o’clock each night.
I would set aside specific learning times for Braylen, and focus on a set of objectives in reading and math.
The list could go on and on.
In my head, it was going to be perfect. Actually, I was going to be perfect. Fantastic, actually, at this new job of mine. I mean, my house already stayed pretty clean, my laundry remotely caught up, I cooked sometimes, and I did all of these things while working. So not working was surely going to make me a top-notch Martha, right?
Wrong.
Somehow, I have less time. Or at least I feel that way. And it has taken me a few months to adjust to this new normal. I had set the bar so incredibly high for myself, that each and everyday I felt like I was failing by the time Allen came home. I felt unorganized and out of my element.
And I wondered, how in the world is this happening? I am failing at the very thing that I prayed so hard to be able to do, stay home with my kids.
That’s when it hit me.
I didn’t choose to stay home so our house would be cleaner.
Or for my to-do list to get smaller.
I didn’t choose to stay home so I could change the sheets more often.
Or fold more towels.
I chose to stay home to focus on those two little joys that call me mom.
A few simple realizations helped me to lower my expectations, and be better at this new job.
You see, they don’t care how clean the house is, or if I switch out their closets before the new season comes.
You know what they do care about? Playing at the park, and eating popsicles on the back porch. Having a picnic in the front yard, and building a fort in the playroom.
And there will be days when the laundry is caught up and the house is clean, at the same time. There will be days when I feel like I have it all together. Days when we bake cupcakes and actually clean up the mess before bedtime.
But, there will be days when those things don’t happen. There will be bad days and messy days. And that’s okay, too.
Because in the end we’re together. A little perspective goes a long way. The other day I filled out a field trip form for Braylen and I didn’t have to take a personal day. I signed up to help with the class party. I dropped her off at school this morning. Last year, I only dreamed of doing these things.
With any change I know there’s a period of adjustment, and I’m still right in the middle of mine, but as the days go by I hope my focus continues to shift from this version of the SAHM in my head, to the more realistic one the I actually am.
And just because I love them, here’s a peek at our recent beach photos from Sarah Lyn Photography.
**Note: This is in no way meant to be a working mom vs. SAHM post. I’ve done both, they’re both hard, they’re both rewarding. It’s an extremely personal decision that you have to make based on what works best for you and your family. I firmly believe you can be 100% happy as a working mom or a SAHM and there is absolutely no right or wrong option that works for everyone.**
Amy Faulkner says
Oh, I feel just like this! I have days where I am on the ball and getting things done and when my husband comes home to a clean kitchen and a meal almost done, I’m like, “Yeah! I’m good at this SAHM thing!” Then I have days where I have zero motivation, laundry sits in baskets, and my husband comes home to me rolling in the (un-vacuumed) floor with my son and no dinner anywhere in sight. And those days I’m like, “Yeah, I pretty much failed at this today.” I’m working on balancing things out and not feeling guilty on the days where I don’t get enough done.
Amanda says
This. is. perfect. I am not a mom or even close to being one, but one day I hope to be. This is a great way to look at things. Your kids are very lucky to have a mom that cherishes the little things.
Suzanne @ Mrs Mix It says
These are the same feelings I had five years ago when I became a SAHM. I was so frustrated that what I had envisioned in my mind wasn’t the reality of what my life looked like. Even now, I sometimes struggle with things not going as planned. But it is what it is. My kids live here. We play here. My home isn’t a museum and will never look like one. However, I am a mom and my job is to play with, teach and interact with my kids. There will be plenty of time in the future for a spotless house and time to myself, that time is just not now!
Lauren says
I love these posts. Because the reality is that I really don’t have time to do all of those other things until about 8 pm. I try- but usually I have to let the dishes pile up during the day, and only occasionally do I feel on top of laundry. So I’m all for more posts that help stay at home moms feel like they should not have to be achieving it all by 6 pm. Because good grief, it’s so disheartening when that illusion shatters. I feel like this is sounding harsh, but I’m tired of being held up to a standard that I can’t (and don’t want to) achieve.
**By the way, I love staying at home with my daughter, but can we all realize it’s its own form of work?
Lisa Williams says
I’ve often thought about what my days would be like if I could stay home. Of course, my kids are in school, 4th grade and 8th grade, so I would have time during the day to actually get stuff done. I long to be June Cleaver, but it’s not an option right now. Plus, I think if I didn’t work, I would probably homeschool my 4th grader, so there goes my wish of getting stuff done. Kudos to you.
April says
Love love love this. I felt this way during maternity leave at times. It is so rewarding yet the hardest job to ever feel like you are really succeeding at doing. But you ARE ๐
Laura says
This is such a beautiful perspective. How true! We don’t stay home to do all of those things…we choose to stay home to nurture and love these little ones. Love it. ๐
Samantha says
I love this, I think it’s so funny to think of my “vision” of what staying at home with my kids would be like. I don’t know why, but I think we all have the exact same vision in our heads of what its going to be like. It’s crazy how it ends up being completely different, yet it’s still amazing.
Brekke says
Thank you for this. I am a new mom of a four month old and have chosen to stay home with him. I feel so bad somedays when I can’t get anything done and my husband comes home to a wrecked house and I ask him to order take out for dinner. I so needed this reminder of why I wanted to stay home. I appreciate it so much.
Kaitlin Harrison says
You nailed it, Jennifer! And love love love the picture. Sarah Lyn Photography is in a league of her own! Can’t wait to see more ๐
Keisha Dawson says
I love this! I love seeing your heart and a raw perspective! AND…the picture is ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! I hope to have a family vacation to Gulf Shores in the next few years!
Kristen says
This is so me right now. I went from full time teaching to staying at home at the end of the past year. It’s been an adjustment and I have felt like a failure many days already, but I am so thankful for this season of life.
Love CompassionateLee says
I love this post! I am grateful that you were able to recall the purpose of your decision and encourage yourself …in turn, you have encouraged others…Happy Wednesday ๐
http://www.lovecompassionatelee.com/