I remember like it was yesterday anxiously awaiting the arrival of Braylen. I remember spending the entire day before my scheduled induction cleaning and organizing the house. The bags were packed, the carseat ready and the nursery decorated. I knew I loved this baby but I didn’t quite know how much until the next day at 1:53 in the afternoon. The moment I saw her for the first time. All 6 pounds and 12 ounces of her. She was perfect and immediately I got it, it clicked. That love that everyone had told me about.
That love was instantaneous. In that moment I immediately loved her with my whole heart. Completely. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to make it okay when she cried. I don’t know how to describe it because it was nothing like I’d ever felt before. It came effortlessly. We held and loved on Braylen as much as we she’d let us. Which was all the time. But as the days went by we knew she was changing and getting bigger. Doing things like lifting her head up and looking around and eventually sitting up and wanting to see everything around her.
It’s a gradual process but the bigger she gets the less she wants to be held. Hugs and kisses come on her terms, when she wants them. Sometimes when she’s sleepy she walks down the hall to her bedroom and looks back at me and says “rock, rock.” I accept this invitation gladly. I pick up her tiny little self and hold her close. I rock her and sing her a song and sometimes when I really think about it, I have to fight back the tears. She falls asleep quickly but I hold her even longer. I think back to what seems like a short time ago when she was just a newborn and I marvel at the changes that have already taken place.
Time is fleeting. I look at her and see that clearly. But, it’s in those sweet tender moments when I rock her or when she stops playing and comes over and lays her head on me. When I reach to pick her up and she makes the familiar “mmm-mah” signaling for a kiss. When she asks me to rock her. Those are the times that perhaps time stands still. If only for long enough for me to soak up the sweetness of the moment to create a memory I’ll hold onto forever.
It’s moments like these I can never get enough.
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Courtney Burke says
This post made me cry! I feel the same way about Lily! The grow independent way to fast…if only time would stand still in those sweet little moments! It is amazing that the true “mommy” comes out as soon as they are born, the exact moment in fact, it is an indescribable love!
Ashley says
I already am getting a taste of my 8 month old’s independence and it’s very bittersweet. I love watching him grow, but it’s also hard. And I know it will only get harder. 🙁 Beautiful post!
Jennifer says
You’ve got me in tears. The week before Bryson turned two we were all sitting on the couch and he grabbed my hand and held it and I just lost it. He’s growing up so fast and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to slow it down. This was such a sweet and beautiful post!
Madison's Mommy says
This post gave me goose bumps and filled my eyes with tears. I know exactly what you mean. Little Madison is already getting more and more independent and she is only about to be 7months…where did that tiny newborn go?! Beautiful words.
XOXO
Kristin B says
great photo!!
Kat says
I think I’m crying. Seriously, what’s up with the growing up? You wrote it all out so beautifully and here I am, a sap. I’ve never been a sap, mind you. Addi is just over 6 months and I find myself spending 20 minutes rocking her in her rocking chair after she falls asleep nursing because I can, because it’s so dark, because it’s so quiet, and because she’s mine.
cMe says
That last paragraph + the photo seriously brought tears to my eyes!
Whitney & Steven says
Wow. I somehow missed this post last week! I couldn’t say it better. You have got to get the book “Mitten Strings For God”. It is about just this. I have to share this, Jenn!!
Kendall says
ok, now I’m really crying…